By OBSERVERS TIMES
There is something destructive, yet profoundly risky, that has robbed many of their place in destiny. It is not poverty, It is not a lack of opportunity, It is not even laziness. It is over-familiarity-a slow poison that ruins relationships, destroys respect, and silences greatness before it even speaks.
In this part of the world, over-familiarity is a common disease. It creeps in when access is mistaken for equality, and when privilege is confused with entitlement. The moment someone gets close to a person of influence, authority, or significance, they begin to act like they’ve “arrived.” Suddenly, basic respect is thrown out the window. Lines are crossed. Boundaries are ignored. And in no time, the same access that was once a blessing becomes a curse.
Many people have missed their “oil”, that unique grace, favor, or opportunity simply because they could not manage access. They failed to understand that being around greatness does not make you great managing your attitude around greatness is what preserves your grace.
As for me, I have said to ‘familiarity’ “You will never see my back.” It will never strip me of the crown of honor that years of discipline and intentionality have earned me. I have learnt to respect boundaries, regardless of how familiar I am with people of status. Whether it’s Mr. A who gave me a platform or Madam B who opened a door for me, I know my place. I do not confuse access with ownership. I understand the difference between connection and control.
But what do we see today?
Someone is introduced to a mentor or a public figure, and within a few weeks, they start behaving like equals. They call at odd hours. They joke carelessly. They barge into spaces uninvited. They even initiate video calls without prior notice—all because they saved someone’s number. That’s not confidence; that’s cluelessness. That’s not boldness; it’s blunder in disguise.
Dear reader, you must understand that you can be deleted. You can be bounced out. You can be removed from spaces your character is not qualified to sustain. Let that sink in.
In every relationship or personal, there are levels of access and interaction. You must know when to speak, when to be silent, when to show up, and when to stay in the background. These principles are not limited to romantic relationships. They apply in business, politics, education, ministry, health, and even friendships.
We live in a time when people want to enjoy the fruits of association without cultivating the discipline of boundaries. But trust me, the difference between relevance and ridicule is respect. Those who last long in any circle are those who understand the value of discretion.
Personally, I am very mindful of the words I use in my close circle. I don’t take what belongs to others without permission even if we are close. I don’t make jokes that diminish someone’s worth just because we’re friends. I don’t abuse access, and I don’t cross lines. It is called self-respect, and it earns you honor in places where others are dismissed.
Having access to my boss’s office doesn’t mean I can stroll in and call him “Ode” in the name of cruise. That’s a fast-track ticket to disrespect and disconnection. Let me say it again: familiarity is not license. Respect must remain intact, no matter how close you think you are to someone.
In Nigeria, especially, we have a culture of excessive familiarity. Be too humble or easygoing, and people start taking your kindness for weakness. Your wardrobe becomes communal property. Your name is turned into a household joke. You get slapped on the head by people who barely know you, and when you react, they call you proud.
But let’s be honest, this isn’t about being stiff or arrogant. It’s about maintaining standards. Dignity is not pride. Boundaries are not barriers. They are bridges to sustainable relationships.
Before you start letting your “local man” out—before you become too casual and start acting out of place—pause. Evaluate. Ask yourself; Have I earned this level of familiarity? Is this interaction appropriate for this relationship? If the answer is no, then retreat and reset.
Let me say this clearly, I do not share people’s contact information without their consent. It doesn’t matter how close we are. It is called respect, and in a world where privacy is increasingly scarce, respect for others’ boundaries is a mark of maturity and integrity.
So, dear reader, I urge you today to protect your crown, Guard your oil, Manage your access, Respect your relationships, And most importantly, never let over-familiarity rob you of the greatness you are destined for.
Onono writes from Bayero University Kano and can be reached via [email protected]
